While blowing bubbles and watching the pinata fun it got me thinking that all too often we easily find ourselves focusing excessively on grown-up business.

I loved my early twenties filled with new-found freedom, probably too much liquor, and countless self-defining experiences.  But for all the fun, much hard work existed.  Sure college required attention, but so did writing resumes, tackling interviews, and figuring out the labyrinth of insurance (health, car, et all). Relationships were complicated, both with boyfriends and girl friends.  By my later twenties paperwork abounded, alarm clocks regularly intervened, and important decisions demanded way too much brain power.  This all paid off, of course.

Now in my thirties I find a beautiful, delicate balance.  My bank account does not require (as much) constant monitoring, thanks to a job I enjoy.  I actually have a savings account, albeit the amount rightfully fluctuates as we do things like buy a house or encounter a job loss.  We take trips and celebrate friends’ weddings.  We make time for dinner at home and quality time together out with our niche.  I still need to consciously take care of my body, but with less obsession and more acceptance.  My circle of friends are close at heart, my husband by my side, and fur-babies by my feet.

All this does not happen without an awareness, however.  Insurance and bills still confuse me. Decisions are still weighed before leaping, and a husband consulted to compromise. The alarm clock keeps buzzing, yet I chronically arrive places fashionably late.

After all this time and many lessons learned, I don’t feel old – I feel established.

And you can bet I will always play with toys, although sometimes I need reminders to do so.

This thirtieth decade trumps the twentieth, even if it means pretending to act grown-up!

We ate amazing sandwiches  and other nom-tastic food not pictured because those places were so legit to break out a camera might cause us to get thrown out (ask for Michale at Il Pittore’s – that server knows his stuff)! DiNic’s of Reading Market won Adam Richman’s Best Sandwich in America challenge.  And Pat’s Cheese steak won my stomach’s challenge.

We also hit up the infamous Hop Sing Laundromat for craft cocktails and everything you read about them on Yelp is true, down to the owner with a stick up his arse.  The drinks there were decent, but not mind blowing, so we busted outta there and really enjoyed Village Whiskey‘s down-to-earth vibe and drinks, especially their chocolate margarita!

We walked around Old City where spring was happening like whoa.

I mean, how do people have the money to plant/cultivate/maintain gardens like this?

And after an extremely fun segway tour of Philly (so. much. fun!), we were ready to get all history’fied.

It really is amazing to walk into a room and think back to the massively amazing events which occurred there and allowed our country to be what it is today.

If you can’t tell by the pictures, we really enjoyed ourselves.  The trip allowed us to get our mind off things and simply have a good time, pretending like we were not about to spend our lives’ savings on a new home!

(and for those of you wondering, yes – Mike got a male version of the present he got me for my 30th, just more of something that tells time and not something with heels!)

A small group of friends, including Mike’s brother from Florida, attended and we tried our best to act civilized (which we know, makes for entertainment in itself).

And it was totally worth every sip, I mean cent.

It’s fun to pretend, and grow up (and then drink more cheap beer).

*that’s exactly what I’m saying

Thank you, Joey, for making this for me.  I can’t wait to print it out and hang it in our new home.  Hugs!

Now six weeks after the procedure, almost two months after my loss, the results came back from the test.

As much as I moved on emotionally, a part of me still exists which needs to know what happened.

Trisomy 16 is to blame for the loss of my pregnancy.  Internet research, and my doctor, led me to understand that this additional sixteenth chromosome means no viability out of the womb.  A “mosaic” trisomy 16 exists, whereas not all cells contain an extra chromosome, only some, and viability exists.  This was not the case for my pregnancy.  Even if for some reason I carried full term with that pregnancy, after birth the baby would live only a few hours.  While yes, I am thankful I did not need to broach that tough loss, I also still feel strongly that my loss is still real and tough, even at 8 weeks.

I did nothing to cause trisomy 16.  The cells most likely split in an incorrect way, like a blip or a whoops.  When we try again all should be fine, the 1 in 4 chance of miscarriage aside.

I feel relieved knowing my body appears to be working fine.  I am still sad for this loss.

Some nights before I go to sleep I whisper her name to my heart.

And I will forever miss the opportunity to know that little girl.

In the course of ten hours (on the same calendar day) we hired movers to get all our things out of the condo, closed on that former home, purchased our new forever home, and had those wonderful men with muscles and a truck move all our new things into the new place.  It also happened the first day of standardized testing fell on our moving day, so this teacher showed up for the last 3 hours of the moving-in piece.  Thank goodness for husbands and Power of Attorney (and also paid men who move your stuff)!

We did it. We moved. And now? We unpack.

((sidenote: I can’t figure out how to get this darn picture bigger. just click on it, mmkay?))

(mover men know how to get your box spring in through the 2nd floor bedroom window)

But first we attended my college roommate/bestie/interwebz guru wedding!  Yes, 4 days after moving we picked up and headed to Asheville where there are no boxes and only microbreweries, beautiful scenery, and fun times.  We broke the cardinal rule of unpacking by opening about a gagillion boxes for the sole purpose of finding my boots (yes, the boxes were well labeled…all with “boots”).  The distraction proved necessary and the celebration fabulous.  Many pictures and a post are forthcoming, of course.

The worst part of taking a vacation after moving is coming home to realize the unpacking elves took a vacation too.

Our animals are adjusting well, exploring loving the extra space and ability to run up and down the stairs.

I’m getting used to the absence of sound.  Although we’re still in DC proper, we no longer live next to a fire station and this street lacks traffic.  Those are nice changes of pace and will suit us well in the years to come.  Our neighbors are likewise very nice and I’m planning on how to get the sixteen year old girl next door to watch the cats when we travel next.

In the process of setting things up we discovered our desktop lacks a wireless card since previously we had it hardwired in that other small place we lived for almost 5 years!  (hence, the phone picture and lack of posts, recently)

Don’t worry we ordered a new, stronger router and wireless card.  Soon the 800 pictures from the last two weeks will escape my dSLR and turn into posts on ALL THE THINGS we’ve been up to….and there’s a lot of great blog fodder in there.  (including the time I fell off a chair at a wedding rehearsal party and thought I fractured my kneecap for the week following…)

Things are good, busy, hectic, and full of boxes – but good.

I’ll leave you with this gem of a picture.  I think it proves machines will take over the world one day.  Our refrigerator is smarter than this thirty-one year old!

Any unpacking or adjusting advice out there?

Which brings to me to perspective:

As this is my blog I can’t type for my husband, but in each of the events listed above there existed a bit of panic, desire for things to turn out a certain way, and even a lack of control.  Now on the other side of many of those events life feels less rocky.  But it takes while to get that way, and it doesn’t feel completely smooth yet either.

In the midst of chaos we feel helpless and like nothing we do improves the situation, even though good friends, a glass or three of wine, and Fruity Pebbles do what they can to soothe.  But once you get beyond that time of downtrodden feelings, you can look back and maybe get a glimmer of appreciation for the way things turned out.

For me, in having and loosing a surprise pregnancy it led to many discussions which otherwise had no place in our lives.  When expecting we feared for our finances and put buying a home on hold; all things baby took over.  Then all things not-baby took hold and our savings account turned back into a down payment.  In our loss we found we do want to start a family on the horizon.  And in this odd timing, which a month ago I failed to comprehend, we now can move into a big house, save up a bit and then try our hand at nature again.  Now our bigger place has multiple rooms and more than a dresser drawer for a baby to sleep (although there’s nothing wrong with that, if your situation calls for it), we have a  small yard for our restless dog, we have more than one toilet, too.

We have a forever home, and we move in a week (!).

The other night, before going to bed, Mike turned and said, “I’m glad to be turning 30 and have you, be married to you, and be moving into a new, beautiful home with you.”

It takes time to see things in the light intended.

Perspective.

linking up with Heather for Just Write

Hey, it’s me again – the girl who thought demanding and taunting, testing limits and poking the bear might yield desired results.  It obviously didn’t.  Mike’s not working a job in a foreign country. I’m no longer pregnant.  Our next address is still up in the air.

I get it, though.  Oh, do I get it.  You can ask, you can yell, you can pound your fists and stomp.  But ultimately all things come in due time (and if one more person tells me that cliche they better cover their throat before I punch it).

:: counting to ten ::

And through this test of patience, a period of trial and error, among many things learned I found appreciation and understanding for things right in front of me:

• My husband remains my strongest source of support, the best pillar of strength, and the most wonderful shoulder to cry on while demonstrating through himself even the best must try, try again.
• Anger comes, sadness passes, and joy is fleeting so hold on tight.
• A My Little Pony shirt is the best way to send a hug in the mail.
• Friends shine brightest in the darkest times.
• Ice cream serves as a perfectly acceptable dinner when you’re eating your feelings.

So, Universe, I guess what I’m trying to say comes with an awkward, eyes gazing down, toes pointed inward and shuffling of dirt, Thank You.

But next time, maybe we can do it without so much heartache? (Wait, maybe there’s a lesson in that too…)

Le sigh.

Try as I might, somethings are just beyond me.

Continually trying to remain humble and understanding,

Vicki

PS:

PSS: Happy Weekend and feel free to add on to this, telling the Universe whatever it is you’re thinking about the latest events in your life!

He’s been an invaluable source of support in the last few months, as we battle through life’s struggles but come out on top. I wouldn’t want to go through hell with anyone else, and likewise celebrate with any other person!

I hope we celebrate every birthday with as much love and laughter as this one!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband!!!

(and my eldest niece turns 6 today – slow down time – happy birthday to my sweet Eleanor!)

Our house will sell soon and we found what justmightbe our forever home (please don’t jinx me Universe by writing that here!).  This caused some happy and frustrated tears as we work out finances on a rushed time-table. But thankfully we have wonderful family who supports us and once we move in all will be well, because new house ahhhh!

Also can I get a cat call for the amazing new blog design? If you don’t know Becca of Jumping Jax Designs, then run on over there!  This design project took about 8 months, by no fault of Becca at all.  Becca listened to what I wanted and created designs with short turn-around time. After BlogHer ’12 I wanted a fresh look to “relaunch” this here blog.  And then I got distracted by life and well… I’m so glad it’s live now, because I feel like this is a wonderful time to start new, in so many ways.  Special thanks to my girl, Ali, who took care of all that coding ish and made Becca’s work appear here! (I’m so lucky to know talented people who take my abuse)

huge exhale

Things are coming together in ways I never thought possible.

I’m smiling more and questioning less.

I can say with understanding, “things work out as they should,” even though I still hate cliches.

All in all I had a typical spring break complete with reading, resting, tattooing (more later), and a little inebriation. I’m not totally ready to go back to work tomorrow, but when the weather feels like this who is?