These past two weekends, we celebrated Mike turning 30: once with friends, and once together-just-us in Philadelphia. At the risk of throwing him under the bus and totally embarrassing him (sorry, honey), Mike struggled with the number 30 the way I did with the number 25. Yet to be fair, these last 3 months held a substantial amount of change for us: a surprise pregnancy and an equally shocking loss of said pregnancy, finally selling our first home together, his grandparents victims of a random attack (and are physically fine, yet shaken up), his contracted job coming to an end soon, bidding on a home and not getting it, and finally bidding on a home and getting it. Add turning 30 to that and you have a beautiful mess of adjustment.
Which brings to me to perspective:
As this is my blog I can’t type for my husband, but in each of the events listed above there existed a bit of panic, desire for things to turn out a certain way, and even a lack of control. Now on the other side of many of those events life feels less rocky. But it takes while to get that way, and it doesn’t feel completely smooth yet either.
In the midst of chaos we feel helpless and like nothing we do improves the situation, even though good friends, a glass or three of wine, and Fruity Pebbles do what they can to soothe. But once you get beyond that time of downtrodden feelings, you can look back and maybe get a glimmer of appreciation for the way things turned out.
For me, in having and loosing a surprise pregnancy it led to many discussions which otherwise had no place in our lives. When expecting we feared for our finances and put buying a home on hold; all things baby took over. Then all things not-baby took hold and our savings account turned back into a down payment. In our loss we found we do want to start a family on the horizon. And in this odd timing, which a month ago I failed to comprehend, we now can move into a big house, save up a bit and then try our hand at nature again. Now our bigger place has multiple rooms and more than a dresser drawer for a baby to sleep (although there’s nothing wrong with that, if your situation calls for it), we have a small yard for our restless dog, we have more than one toilet, too.
We have a forever home, and we move in a week (!).
The other night, before going to bed, Mike turned and said, “I’m glad to be turning 30 and have you, be married to you, and be moving into a new, beautiful home with you.”
It takes time to see things in the light intended.
linking up with Heather for Just Write