Bride + Groom = Engagement Stress

Mike & I may be back from Jamaica, but mentally we’re still riding this whirlwind adventure.  There are so many boxes to go through, laundry to wash, and things to break-down, never-mind the thank you cards!  It’s all welcomed though.  The wedding might be over, but the adventure still continues.  I can honestly say I’m having the best time of my life.  Pictures to come, promise, but first, one last guest post so I can get myself together!

Liz, from Next in the City, is another favorite B2B (Bride-to-be) planning her wedding and sharing it with the interwebs.  She wrote some great advice for others in the same boat:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Well, gang this is my first guest blog post, ever! Very exciting, thank you Vicki – and congrats! I cannot believe you are married, now husband & wife! I thought the word fiancé took some time adjusting — the next “title” might be harder, but way more amazing!

While Victoria unwinds, I thought I would discuss how wedding planning in general affects relationships with friends, family, and of course – your fiancé! Many of my friends are already married – I have been a bridesmaid once and a maid of honor three times in the past three years – and every time another friend walked down the aisle, I was warned about the heartaches of planning. I brushed them aside, hoping that I wouldn’t feel an ounce of those pangs. However, I have and now I am that girl telling people to prepare for the sometimes unpleasant, confusing, and tricky decisions and frustrations that go along with engagements.
Friends want rights to your wedding, family believes they deserve the same rights, but where does that leave the bride and groom? Often bickering about these people and coming up with no resolution. Tiny examples of these situations include, several friends asking if they will be invited to the wedding (eeek!!!) – my response for the past year and a half as always been, “we are still finalizing the guest list” and my brothers asking me for six months straight if they will be groomsmen (“ask Jared!”). I have heard that a wedding is truly a “family experience”, and I believe to a degree it is, but when you get down to it (or down the aisle, actually), it really is all about the girl and boy whose names are on the marriage certificate.

So, my advice? Actually I probably need some, but I will say I have tried to brush aside these friend and family unpleasantries as best I can and just focus on us. All the wedding blogs I read every morning and Jared, my fiancé, have been wonderful at helping me remember this motto. So, brides: keep looking straight ahead because there is a light at the end of the tunnel – or actually a honeymoon! I see sunshine, white sand, and blue waters at my end and a lifetime of funny yet crazy memories waiting to happen. Being engaged is stressful, but life is short and sooner or later, you will be married!

Day of Know How

Welcome Krysten, a favored tweep of mine.  She write a fantastic blog, of which I make time to check on the regular.  She’s a girl after my own heart, sharing an Etsy & all-things-handmade obsession. I swear without us, the handmade biz might go under…

Hi all! I”m Krysten from After ‘I Do’ and I am super excited to be blog sitting for Vicki while she’s off having all kinds of married fun!

Today I’m going to give you all some advice.  For those of you that are already married I hope you’ll be nodding along with this.  For those that aren’t, pay close attention!

  • Something will go wrong.  Inevitably something with the wedding planning or the wedding day (or both) is going to go wrong.  My husband and I had plenty of drama leading up to the wedding, I was in a car accident the day before the wedding, one of my readers backed out at the last minute and it rained (and we had an outdoor ceremony).  Go into your wedding planning and wedding telling yourself that something could go wrong.  And if it does, try to let it roll off your back.  Marriage isn’t perfect.  Neither is wedding planning.
  • Go with your gut.  It’s easy with all the wedding propaganda to get swayed.  Maybe you wanted to wear a red dress but you’re on TheKnot.com and all you see is poofy whiteness.  Maybe you want to walk down the aisle first so that you can watch your wedding party walk down after.  Whatever it may be, do what you want.  This is the one day when you’re allowed to do what you want, no matter what anyone else may deem weird or nontraditional.
  • Eat.  On the day of your wedding take time to eat.  I know you’re a busy bride and you think you don’t have time.  I promise you will want to eat something.
  • Pause.  I’ve heard from so many brides that their day just flew by and they barely remember it.  Take time to pause and take it all in.  Just stop for a moment or two and take a mental snapshot.
  • Make lists.  Keep a list of your must have pictures so that your photog knows what’s important to you.  Have a timeline of how you want your day to go (but also leave a little room for spontaneity).  Have a list of everything you need the day of, such as band-aids, extra hairspray, mints, etc.  Lists will be your best friends.
  • HAVE FUN.  I know you want everything to be perfect.  I know you’re a control freak.  I know you’re 3rd cousin is off getting drunk and trying to make out with everyone on your bridal party.  Stop worrying.  Let someone else worry for you.  It’s your wedding day.  Enjoy it.


Vicki I hope your wedding is everything you want it to be and I hope you have a fabulous honeymoon!  We miss you!

Wedding Wisdom

I have to admit, I first began following Jess because of her last name: Beer.  I continued to follow her wedding planning journey and now she’s a Mrs!  Go check her out!
Hi everyone!

I’m Jess, and I write a blog over at Being Mrs. Beer (yes, that’s really our last name!).  I’m so excited to be guest posting for Vicki today while she’s off getting hitched and heading on her honeymoon!  As a recent newlywed, I’m so happy for her and know how great (and sometimes challenging!) the first few months of marriage can be.



Now, I’m not going to pretend that after only 3 months that I know everything about marriage.  Clearly, we are new at this and still working on figuring each other and our marriage out.  Everyone says it, but marriage really is work.  Chris and I have to work at our marriage every day.  Is it easy?  Not always.  Is it worth it?  Always.
Sometimes we get mad at each other.  Sometimes I just don’t want to be around him.  Sometimes he doesn’t want to be around me.  The key to getting past this, as I learned from my parents (married 31 years June 1), is to talk about it afterwards.  Like most couples, my parents fought when I was a kid, but there was never any doubt that they loved each other.  It’s important to remember why you fell in love with your husband or wife and the promises you made to each other on your wedding day.
So here’s my best advice for Vicki and Mike as they embark on the journey we call marriage:
1.  Put your marriage first…most of the time.  Understand that each of you will need time away sometimes, whether its alone or with your friends.
2.  Compromise and LISTEN to each other.  We are still working on this one every day.
3.  Respect each other, and never be afraid to say “I’m sorry.”  Chris and I usually realize immediately if we’ve hurt the other’s feelings, and the apologies flow soon after.
4.  Always remember why you fell in love in the first place.
5.  Honor your promises to each other, from your those on your wedding day to the little ones like promising to take the trash out.
That’s all I’ve got!  Come check out my blog too – I’m in the midst of my wedding recaps, and you never know what craziness will happen next in my life (like my in-laws staying with us next month…eep!).  Best wishes to the bride and good luck to the groom!

Come Here Often?

While Mike and I are away celebrating our marriage, some lovely readers offered to guest post for me!  First up is Meaghan from The Twenties Roar.  She’s planning her September wedding, so now that my journey is at the end (or the beginning?!) you can follow along with her plans!  She’s a fun, sweet, lady with a handsome man (“The Boy”) by her side.  And she is gracing us with the story of how they met…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She went out with her house-mates in her 2nd year at University for a night at the local bar.  After waiting in line they finally got in, and easily found a table – curse those fake lines! Just an ordinary night, out chatting and dancing with friends.
He went out to the bar “he made popular” with a bunch of friends. After enjoying a couple of pops, he informed his friends to “watch this.”

She looked up and saw a very tall boy leaning against the back of the booth she and her friends were sitting at.  Intrigued by his height she tried to listen to what he had to say, but didn’t really hear him so smiled instead.

Meanwhile, he pulled out his best material – “Oh sorry, I thought this was my table.” Not having heard him she simply smiled – he sat down.
The next thing she knew this tall boy was sitting beside her.  Pulling out more ace material “Do you come here often?”
She laughed in his face. “Did you just say ‘come here often?’

Slightly flustered he replied, “Yes, but not like that. I just meant do you come here?”
He introduced her to his friends, “This is bean! As in jelly-bean
She laughed at his inability to remember her name and his quick thinking… tall and funny.  Intriguing.

They danced the night away. And she gave him her number, along with her name.
She thought, “He probably won’t call… but look how TALL he is!”

Seven years later, he became known as The Boy.
Eleven days shy of nine years after they met, they’re walking down the aisle:  September 10, 2011.

Advice From One Who Knows

Next up is one of the very first blogs I started reading on a regular basis.  Jayme of The Tater Twins shares amazing posts about strength, love, and her adorable kids & family.  You can also find her on the Twitter: @Tatertwins.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While Victoria & Mike are off doing the wedding and honeymoon thing, I get to guest post!  My name is Jayme, and I have been married to my husband Aaron for over 10 years now, and although we didn’t have a wedding or a honeymoon, I thought perhaps I could offer some advice anyway.  Feel free to take it with a grain of salt!

Wedding Advice:
Invite people.  We went to the justice of the peace, and it was a spur of the moment decision.  Our friends were upset we didn’t include them.  Our family was annoyed we didn’t tell them we were getting married until a month after the deed was done.  So I think letting people know is a good idea.

Take pictures.  Even if you don’t hire a professional photographer, have SOMEONE take a picture or two of you and your spouse on your wedding day.  We have no photos of that day, and it’s one thing I really regret.

Buy rings BEFORE the ceremony.  As I’ve mentioned, our wedding was impromptu, and we didn’t even think about rings until the part where the justice of the peace asked us to exchange them.

Honeymoon Advice:
Take one.  Even if it’s just camping or something equally inexpensive.  We didn’t take one, and have yet to have the opportunity to go on a vacation without the kids.  So take one while you can.

General Marriage Advice:
Accept the things you can’t change.  We don’t fight. I think some number of disagreements and that kind of back and forth bantering is ok, healthy even- if you work it out and don’t let it get bottled up and fester- but no matter how much I argue with him, he doesn’t argue back. He just doesn’t respond to that. It took me a LONG time to learn that. But that’s just him.

Your spouse is your BFF.  Aaron is truly my best friend. I can tell him anything. I can be myself around him. I am not the slightest bit self conscious in front of him in any way. And I  think that is the way it should be.

Be there for each other.  During our first year of marriage, our first baby was stillborn. The grief counselor told us something like around 75% of marriages that lose a child end in divorce within a year. For us though, we clung to each other in our grief. It brought us closer together. I don’t know that I could have gone on without him. He’s my rock.

Keep things in perspective.  After our baby died, when things got stressful between us, one of us would usually say something like ‘We lost a baby, this is nothing’ and the tension we were having about money or whatever would seem so trivial. It helped us remember what was really important.

Even though we’ve been married over a decade now, I still get butterflies when I’m thinking about him or talking about him with others.  He tolerates my love for the internet, my horrible spending habits, my lack of housekeeping skills. What more could a girl want?

Victoria and Mike- I have loved watching the behind the scenes wedding planning, as I never went through that.  I hope your day is absoutely gorgeous, and all the details fall into place.  I know you two are well on your way too an eternity of happiness!

~Jayme
http://www.tatertwins.com/
@tatertwins on twitter