It’s me, taking a break from the Wedding Recap posts to bring you an up-to-date post in which I do not wear a white fancy dress.
Because in all honestly I’m floudering somewhere in reality.
I’ve come down off the wedding planning high and am left wondering, what now brown cow?
For so long a driving force guided me, pushed me, motivated me and excited me.
And now I am turning 30, feeling bored, writing a ton of thank you cards and questioning my career choice.
I look at my students, who at age seven have such high hopes and aspirations. They dream of becoming whatever they want and will go far.
And then there’s me, staring at them, wishing I had what they have: opportunity.
Woah there drama.
I put much thought and alcohol into this state of mind, lately. I cried hard, ugly, out-of-the-blue tears to Mike who told me I can do anything I want, that I will find something to stir me forward. I talked with my hair stylist who came up with some really funny ideas and hobbies to try. I bounced ideas off my personal trainer and we actually made some headway.
And yet I feel unfulfilled and so unsatisfied.
My sunshine and rainbows are clouded by rain and poop.
So my options are:
- go back to school & get a masters in something education related
- yoga teacher training
- photography classes
- go back to dancing (modern)
- Nia classes
- have a baby
I’m totally kidding about that last one. Because you shouldn’t just have a baby if you’re bored. Imagine that convo later in life: “Oh I was going through a rough patch and needed something to do so we decided to have you!” Totally Lifetime Movie worthy. Imagine the therapy bills from that one! Plus we’re not starting a family yet.
Looking at that list, nothing satisfies me long term, and I don’t see any of them going far:
- I strongly disliked college classes and refuse to sit and be lectured again, even in a specialized field of my choosing. (really ironic, considering I am a teacher, right?)
- I don’t want to teach yoga, but I enjoy practicing it. This could work to further me emotionally and mentally, though.
- I always enjoy taking pictures, so this works. It doesn’t go much farther, though. What will I do with these new-found photography skills?
- I have yet to find a community of welcoming-fun-down-to-earth women who are not competitive and superficial. Dancing is a passion and something I will only do if comfortable. And this also fails to further me long-term.
- This was my personal trainer’s idea. She does Nia and swears with my dance background and joy of motion, that this will be the answer to my search. However, I’ve never even taken a single Nia class!
- We clarified this was an honest-to-goodness-not-happening thing. Maybe Mike will buy me a puppy?!
So what do you do when you hit this rut? What works to fish you out of your pity-train riding experience? How do I find that itch and pull and forward motion again?
My 2nd graders are actually doing a good job of keeping me preoccupied. I love them. I love my school. I just don’t want this forever.
How do you keep things real?
Now accepting solutions.