Due to scheduling, the complications of life & trying to get calendars aligned, I am one lucky bride-to-be who will go out on the town twice to celebrate my single-status!
My bridesmaids will be treating me to a night in Atlantic City next weekend!! This past weekend I partied it up with my local friends in DC.
And this is the mildly edited version of the events of the night. Because they are so edited this post will most likely portray the events of that night as the most boring bachelorette party ever. But it wasn’t. It was fabulous & scandalous, as bachelorette parties should be. Mom, Dad – I’m sorry, you probably would be better off not reading this. You raised me to enjoy life, and so I did!
The night began innocently with Sarah realizing she left her ID back home in Virginia. We schemed plans of how to sneak her in, the diversions and flirtations we’d create to distract bouncers, and the lies to tell to gain access. We came to find out you don’t really need an ID to get into bars or get drinks if you’re creative.
And we were just that!
As we sat and sat, we experienced the dreaded horrible service at a great restaurant. But because we had extra time to ourselves (see above: horrible service) we used it to our advantage and created “the list.” Sarah, Stacy, Todd & I drafted my to-do list of things to accomplish before the night was through. Oh and yes, I did mention a guy’s name. Todd, one of our groomsmen, served as my bodyguard, escort, and token gay guy for the night.
My to-do list grew as the night went on, as logically it’s more fun to make me do obnoxious things. I think it consisted of:
- get a guy to buy you a drink
- get a condom from a guy
- feed a guy chocolate
- kiss a bald guy’s head
- kiss a married man’s wedding ring
- kiss a lesbian on the cheek, or vice versa (let me tell you, THIS one was hard. Have you ever walked up to a woman and asked her about her life choices?! Most women didn’t appreciate that. at all.)
- get a guy to take off his shirt
- drunk dial someone
- drunk dial someone and sing a Katy Perry song
At a wonderful rooftop bar, we met up with Michelle, Rachel (or Rochelle as her alternate personality entails), Jenna, Sue, & Ashley. Miraculously we managed to answer some questions right, swear up and down we didn’t work for the alcoholic beverage commission, promised not to sue, recited her birth date/astrological sign/age and Sarah got in!! Also you can’t party without your “Maid of Honor” — Sarah definitely earned that honorary status last night! (My sis couldn’t make it, but I love her tons and she’s going to take care of me at the wedding!)
I accomplish most of the above list at this first bar. However you can’t cross things off the list if you don’t randomly ask people to take off their shirt or if they want to eat a chocolate. You would honestly be surprised the number of men who don’t carry condoms with them. I’m just saying…
You’d also be surprised at the number of guys who don’t want to buy some random drunk bride-to-be another drink. Geeze!
Every time I crossed off a list item, I took a picture with the culprit:
So I looked for them.
Sorta.
There was a dog in this car, so I asked the driver to pet it.
On the way we found two lesbians! And they were holding hands, so I didn’t have to awkwardly ask some ladies of her status! Cross that one off the list!
Luckily this insurance broker gave me his card. So glad I have that now.
Why do people want to give brides their number?
I called up my hair stylist to see if he might join us, and he was already on the way! Fabulous!!
Living in our nation's capital allows me to learn something new every day. So does teaching 2nd graders. My nose piercing and tattoos keep me from normalcy, while my job and religion keep me grounded.
