When dreams come true

Almost two years ago I searched for a way to memorialize our losses while pushing forward and continually clinging to hope.  I referred back to a favorite Emily Dickinson poem,  Hope.  The words resonated, inspiring my tattoo.

VSBIRTH_hopeblog4

Similarly I found peace in Langston Hughes’ Dreams.  I purchased a handmade necklace and had the words “hold fast” stamped on the back of the keyhole pendant.  I wore this necklace daily, rarely taking it off. It brought comfort, reminding me that my lost babies’ memories were locked in my heart.  It calmed me when I found the journey long and winding.  It encouraged me.

VSbirth_hopeblog2

I wore it during our first scan, when we saw and heard the beautiful heartbeat of what is now baby Judah.  I found myself gripping it when the anxiety of pregnancy after loss brought more fear than joy.  I moved my wedding and engagement ring to the same chain as my fingers swelled along with my belly. And I also wore it during labor.

VSbirth_hopeblog1

Eventually as labor progressed, it drove me crazy when anything touched me, and I took off the necklace.  However it remained close.

Hold fast to dreams

for if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

that cannot fly.

VSbirth_hopeblog3

Hold fast to dreams

for when dreams go

Life is a barren field

frozen with snow.

VSbirth_hopeblog5

image

Baby Judah, two days new

And now that we have the most beautiful results of holding hard to hope, I found it is hard to wear a necklace with a baby bopping around on my chest.   However it stays on my nightstand and reminds me what beautiful results can come from the hardest times, if you just hold fast.

photos by the amazingly talented The Birth Lens doula and birth photographer

JudahTyler, A Birth Story – Delivery

Judahs_birth_story_crowning_Victoria

previously Once I progressed to around 8cm the midwife announced it was almost time to push.  This was around 6pm, I think. I remember getting … [Continue reading]

Judah Tyler, A Birth Story – Labor is Laborious

Judahs_birth_story_crowning_Victoria

previously Once at the hospital the triage nurses had me sit for registration.  Only sitting felt horrible and I pre-registered online.  Details … [Continue reading]

Judah Tyler, A Birth Story – Labor, Game On

Judahs_birth_story_crowning_Victoria

previously "Press 1 now if you think you are in labor."  I heard that exact sentence every time I called the midwives to make an appointment.  Now … [Continue reading]

Judah Tyler – A Birth Story, The beginning

Judahs_birth_story_crowning_Victoria

Let me start by saying I swore my labor would go post-dates.  I figured this being my first birth, labor would be delayed and sometime around … [Continue reading]